Showing posts with label how to. Show all posts
Showing posts with label how to. Show all posts

The Holidays Are Hard



It seems like every year advertisers and our social media newsfeeds inundate us all with images of perfect family holidays, exciting engagements, and fun vacations.  

Reality is very different for most of us. 

With my job, I rarely get to spend holidays with the people I love. I spend them sitting alone in hotel rooms, eating takeout (if I'm lucky) and FaceTiming with the folks back home, which often makes me even MORE homesick. 
Over the past few years I've spent Thanksgivings and Christmases waiting for the phone to ring, alone in strange cities, and wracked with heartache. 

No matter your job, holidays can be fraught with hard emotions. 

Death.
Divorce.
Financial crisis. 
A devastating health diagnosis. 
Family discord.

At this time of year it somehow feels like there's more pressure than ever to be living a perfect life, free of heartbreak, conflict, or hard times.

We're "supposed" to be full of holiday cheer and joy but often it can be incredibly difficult to feel the tingle of magic through the sadness of our real-life burdens. 

So for those of you struggling this holiday season, honestly, I'm right there with ya. 

Here are a few of my tips for coping:

1. Remember that a lot of people are having a harder season of life than you are. 
Yes, this is tough, but take a few moments to consider how it could be worse. 
I try to remember that even though I can't be with my family this time, at least I have all of them still and I can see them next week. 

2. Consider how people celebrated holidays historically.
You have indoor plumbing to use on Thanksgiving? Not too shabby. 
You aren't battling bears on your homestead in the wilderness? Good. 

3. Do routine things you would do on any other day.
Get your cup of coffee. Read your book. 
Remember tiny things that you like to do on a normal day, and do those things. 

4. Lower your expectations. 
WHY do we think that a holiday should be a day full of flawless and majestic happiness? 
They're just days, and we're just humans. 

5. Find tiny ways to celebrate for yourself. 
Last Christmas I was alone in Las Vegas for 30 hours. I made my own tiny celebration by doing things I love- eating delicious food and going to a Christmas Eve service at the local Unitarian Universalist church. I was friendly, so I made new friends. I like to sing, so I sang carols. 
It was a little lonely, but I also kind of loved it. 



#MeToo: For The Gentlemen


This post is for the men out there who want to be part of the solution, instead of being part of the problem. 

Every single woman I know has been sexually harassed and/or assaulted.

Every woman I know grips her keys or her phone a little tighter when walking somewhere at night. 

No matter what we wear, what we do, or how we exist in the world, being female automatically makes us targets for harassment and violence. 

The first time I remember being the target of unwanted advances from a male person was when I was nine years old.
(I actually hadn't thought about this incident for YEARS until yesterday when #MeToo started popping up all over social media.)

I was on a camping trip with my mom, grandma, and brother at Acadia National Park in Maine. 
I went to use one of the toilets, and I was harassed by a teenaged boy going in and coming out. 
It's been 18 years since then, so I can't remember exactly what he said to me, but I remember being really creeped out and scared to the point that I wouldn't go back to the spigot near the bathroom to get water for our campsite.  
I felt so....icky. 

The worst part about this story is that it's just not that bad when it comes to the spectrum of abuse that girls and women face every day. 

Some of the women whom I am closest to have experienced far, far, far worse. 
Their stories aren't mine to share, but they are mine to believe. 

Gentlemen, here's where you come in.

Look, we know not all men are rapists, but it is an absolute fact that most rapists are men. 

I am KEENLY aware that men can absolutely be survivors of sexual assault and many have experienced sexual harassment, but this post is directed at men who want to understand how to support the women around them and help end Rape Culture. Harassment and assault are never acceptable, no matter who the target is or who the perpetrators are. Ending the culture of rape will help ALL of us. 

If you're a truly good man, like so many I know, you want to help but you don't know what to do to help combat Rape Culture, so here are my tips for the good guys out there:

1. Believe her.
When a woman in your life shares an experience about harassment or assault with you, believe what she is telling you. 
Believe me when I tell you every. single. woman. has been harassed or assaulted. 

2. Educate yourself.
If, in your head, you quietly think something like "Yeah, but she is really hot, and that guy was just trying to compliment her. She probably secretly liked it." or "I bet she was wearing something that gave him the impression she was interested.", YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

Bro, check yourself.

Take the time to read articles like this one: Men, It's Our Moral Responsibility to Combat Rape Culture
Then spend a few minutes really thinking about it and the implications it has for your life. 

3. Speak up. 
This is probably going to be the hardest step, guys. 
Remaining silent means you agree with what's happening. 

Look, I know it's scary to put yourself out there and say something. Some guys might look at you funny. Some men might make you the butt of a joke. Some dude might even yell at you or threaten you physically. 
But wait.
Those things are what women experience literally just walking down the street every single day. 
Put on your grown up pants and be as brave as ALL of the women in your life are every day. 

So read up and most importantly, speak up. 
You'll make the world a better place for everyone. 





Summer Flying: Tips for Infrequent Flyers



It is the best of times, it is the worst of times: Summer. Flying. 

During the summer months, people tend to go on vacation more. In response to this trend, airlines have more available flights and they often sell tickets at cheaper rates. 

Additionally, more of my coworkers go on vacations as well, leaving their trips to Junior Reserves like me so I end up working my hiney off (while wearing a wool uniform) during the hottest months of the year. The good news is that I get to make more money. The bad news is that I AM VERY TIRED. 
Seriously, Summer Flying has me waking up at 2am for flights some days, 6pm other days, and criss crossing time zones like it's my job. 

But wait. It's literally my job. 

"More people, more problems" is never truer than during June, July, and August, when the temperatures rise and so do the number of people on our aircraft who have no idea how to handle riding on a plane. Couple that with the inevitable summer storms that wreak havoc on base operations for many major airlines, and you've got yourself a perfect storm. (heh)

Summer flyers tend to be less experienced with air travel- maybe you only fly a couple of times a year for that big vacation, and THIS IS IT. 
There's absolutely nothing wrong with that! Thank you for buying a plane ticket and helping to keep me employed! I'm really glad you're here. 

HOWEVER. 

There are a few basic things that you can do to maintain your sanity AND help your flight crews love you as you go on your summertime adventures, and luckily for you I'm sharing those tips with you today. 

Five Tips for Infrequent Travelers:


1. Plan for things to go wrong. 

Your flight will get delayed and cause you to miss your connection. There will be no outlets on the plane.  The lines will be long at security, getting food, or for the bathroom. 
One of the worst parts of air travel is that NOTHING is within your control - except how well you prepare for the inevitable. 
Get to the airport at least two hours before your flight.
Carry snacks with you.
Pack whatever items you might need for a surprise overnight in your personal item. Try to avoid checking a bag.
Bring an external battery like this one: iJoy Portable Charger Ultra-Slim 10000mAh Power 10K Power Bank (Green).

I understand how frustrating it is to get trapped or stranded in an airport due to circumstances beyond your control- it has happened to me many many times.
I get how enraging it is to miss out on things at your destination that you were supposed to be participating in.
But please, keep your cool and be polite to the airline employees. 99% of the time what has happened to you is out of their control too. We WANT you to get to your destination. Please be polite and calm, and remember that everyone you're dealing with is just a human being.




2. DO NOT ask your Flight Attendant "What do you have?"

There is a menu in the setback pocket in front of you.
Or just order what you would always order on the ground.
Or order what you really should anyway: water, no ice.
(Or wine. I'm for it.)
Say please when you make your request.
Say thank you when it's handed to you.
It's that simple.





3. DO NOT ask your Flight Attendant for a blanket!

Airplanes are air-conditioned on the ground and it is COLD when we get up to 30,000 feet in the air.
Don't wear a tank top and shorts and then ask me for something to help you stay warm.
No matter the season, dress in layers to fly. I never ever ever fly in shorts or a short skirt because I know I will freeze and practically get hypothermia. Don't dress for the five minute walk from the car to security, dress for the airplane you're going to spend six hours on. Pro tip: keep a handy cotton scarf like this one with you whenever you travel:







4. Download the app for the airline you're flying.

Seriously you guys, the airline I work for has the most useful app.
You can track your bags, monitor gate changes and flight delays, and even pull up maps of various airport terminals so you can figure out how to get from gate A22 to gate F19. It's even free to use with our in flight wifi.
This way you can avoid asking your flight attendants questions like "Am I going to make my connection?" to which our answer (or at least the truthful answer) is ALWAYS "I don't know."
We aren't psychic. We aren't omnipotent. 
Use the app to check you inbound arrival time and the departure time of your connection. Technology is good.




5. Please don't use the bathroom while the seat belt sign is on.

Guys, following lighted and posted signs on an aircraft is literally the law. Additionally, if the seatbelt sign is on it's probably because we've just taken off, we're expecting turbulence, or we're about to land. In all of those circumstances it is REALLY DANGEROUS for you to be out of your seat. 
Go to the bathroom in the terminal before the flight. Use the lavatory when the sign is off, even if it's not a pressing issue.
Don't get out of your seat when the plane is taxiing on the ground. If we're about to take off, you could cost us our place in line for takeoff. If we've just landed you could get seriously injured if we hit a bump or stop suddenly. Just the other day we had almost reached the gate and the pilots had to suddenly hit the brakes hard. All the passengers who had undone their seatbelts smacked their heads on the seat in front of them and felt very foolish.
And on that note, if you see flight attendants sitting in their jumpseats you should most definitely be sitting in your seat.



Let's all fly smart this summer! 

How to Give the Best Wedding Speech




All wedding speeches/toasts fall into one of these categories:

1. Hot mess.
The speech giver decided to wing it, downed a few shots, and/or it's unbearably raunchy.


Please let this end.


2. Boring.
Cliche. Blah. Cringe. Is he still talking?



3. Thank goodness that's over.
"Well, at least she tried."




4. Delightful.
Short, sweet, heartfelt, effective.




5. Brilliant.
"VIRAL YOUTUBE STATUS ALERT"






Public speaking freaks people out, so it's understandable that sometimes people fall into one (or more) of the first three categories. 


You want your toast to be a four or a five, so let's make it happen.

Look, the reality is that not all of us can or should deliver a speech in the form of a rap, or a Disney song medley, so here's a basic formula for a speech that will take you from a 1 to at least a 4. 

(For the purposes of this example, let's assume you're making a speech on behalf of a bride.)

A Formula for a Solid Wedding Speech:


Introduce yourself and your role at the wedding.
+
Explain how you met the bride as briefly as possible.
+
Share a quick anecdote that showcases an excellent part of the bride's personality.
+
Share how the bride's new spouse brings that excellent thing out in her.
Share a story of the two of them together that exemplifies why they're a great fit as a couple.
If appropriate, add a quote or traditional proverb.
+
Finish strong with something simple like "To the happy couple!" 


Obviously if you're an experienced pro, add in some jokes (as long as they're rated G) and references to things the couple loves. Personalize it. 

Most importantly: write a speech that is focused on the couple you're celebrating. 
This is their day to shine together.

Have questions? Feel like you need some coaching on speech content or delivery? 


caroline@aprofessionalbridesmaid.com


How to Survive a Bachelorette Party



May is upon us.


The unofficial commencement of Wedding Season has arrived.
Here we go.

Bachelorette (or bashlerette, depending on how far into the festivities you are) parties can be a lot of fun. 
There is also a lot of potential for mayhem and hurt feelings. 

These days, most typical Bachelorette parties involve a few key elements: traveling, alcohol, and raunchy references. 



Maybe you're going to Nashville, like so many women do. Maybe you're going on a local pub crawl. Maybe you're going on a wine tour. Maybe you're throwing a house party. 

No matter where you're going or what you're doing, here are three steps to survive the experience with your friendships and dignity intact.


1. Plan ahead.

Do not wing this.

If you know there will be alcohol consumption, have an ironclad plan for safe transportation. A party bus? Ubers? A designated driver or two? Know exactly who the contact person will be for the party bus. Know exactly who will call the ubers and how many you'll need to call. Make sure everyone has the phone number of your DD and that the non drivers leave their keys wherever you're staying for the night.

If you'll be outside, bring sunscreen. Wear shoes that you can live with.
Personally, because I am someone who wears makeup and likes it, I make sure to put on long lasting everything, especially lipstick like this one in Menace.

Have an emergency kit handy.



Even better, if you're throwing the party, have survival kits ready for your pals.



2. Hydrate.

Whether or not you'll be drinking alcohol at this event, you have GOT to remember to drink water. If you are drinking, it's especially important to hydrate. Alcohol is a diuretic, and it can be so easy to get wrapped up in fun and silliness that you forget that you literally need water to live, not to mention feel like a human being the next morning.  Most bachelorette parties are marathon events- days or hours of non-stop partying. While all of that is going on, make sure you're knocking back a glass of water for every alcoholic beverage you consume, or if you're the sober one, a glass for every couple of hours you're out. 

3. Use Situational Awareness. 

Be aware of what is going on around you AT ALL TIMES.
PAY ATTENTION to the people who are part of your group- do we still have all eight of us together? Did Sarah and Amanda make it back from the bathroom? Is Kate looking a little worse for the wear over there? Everyone is responsible for everyone else. Team Bride, for real.
Also, pay attention to the way your group might be affecting those around you. Are you being inappropriately loud? Are there creepers trying to be skeezy and making lewd comments to the bride?  Be ready to shut down any gross behavior from your friends or from jerks who want to ruin a fun thing. 





Depending on where and when you're partying, you may encounter other bachelorette parties. Remember, this is not a competition. In fact, you're all there to celebrate the same wonderful thing! Someone you love has found the person she loves.
So if they seem cool and it's appropriate, combine forces! Congratulate their bride and wish them all good luck. You're all going through the same rite of passage together.





My 10-Step Korean Skin Care Routine


Korean skin care is one of the hottest beauty trends out there right now, and I am so on board. 
The basic idea is that it's a routine that involves a lot of steps, a lot of high quality products, and you're going to end up with glowy lovely skin. 
I dipped my toes in the water gradually over time, first by experimenting with Dr. Jart+ BB Creams, then Tony Moly Masks, and then I finally dove in with the full on 10-step Korean Skin
Care Routine.

One of the things that sold me on it was this article about embracing self-care as a radical feminist act.
The idea that taking care of ourselves as women is a way of fighting back against the misogyny rang so very true for me. I love embracing femininity as a way of fighting the patriarchy, and I want to make choices where I prove to myself and to the world that I value myself because I'm a woman, not in spite of the fact that I am a woman. Self-care is not the same thing as self indulgence. Read the article I linked to. It's seriously good.

But enough of my feminist soapbox rant and back to soap. 

The basic steps of my Korean Skin Care Routine:

1. Remove makeup.
2. Wash your face with an oil based cleanser.
3. Wash your face with a water based cleanser.
4. Exfoliate.
5. Toner.
6. Essence
7. Mask.
8. Eye Cream.
9. Moisturize.
10. Sunscreen. 

I had a lot of questions when I started this little project.

Aren't too many products harmful to my skin? Isn't over cleansing bad? Won't I strip away valuable things my skin needs to thrive? What makes this routine Korean? Am I culturally appropriating here? Isn't oil a BAD thing for skin? What the heck is with all of this aggressive cleansing? Do I have to do every step every day? Am I going to be able to easily lug this around when I fly? Will this clear up my skin magically?

Here's what I found out:

-Cleansing with "oil" helps your skin retain moisture.
-It really does take all that cleansing to get serious makeup off.
-The layers of moisture you add after the thorough cleansing make up for many sins.
-It's Korean because many of the products used are Korean exports and the priorities are traditional in Korean beauty. Here's a blog post about K-Beauty and questions around appropriation that I found informative. Like the author of Snow White and The Asian Pear, I've embraced this because I want better skin, self-care is radical enough without being exotic, and I love that this movement is bringing a little bit of diversity (and a focus on sun protection) to Western beauty standards.
-You don't do every step twice a day every day. I only exfoliate once or twice a week, and the same goes for masks.
-I've made this work pretty easily with my packing routine, but a big part of how I'm able to do that is because I'm a Flight Attendant and we're subject to different liquid restrictions when we're in uniform. That said, it's simple to get these products into tiny portable containers that work with TSA rules.
-This routine has definitely improved my skin. It has also made it very clear that at least 60% of how clear and glowy my skin is on any given day is impacted by my stress level, hormones, and how much water I've had to drink. Thanks, truth telling skin care.

Here are the skin care products that I've been using:


1. 2. 3. 4. 

5. 6. 7. 8. 

9.


1. Neutrogena Hydrating Makeup Removing Wipes.
I have used makeup wipes every single day for almost ten years. They're essential and these are my favorites.

2. TonyMoly Aquaporin Skin Care Kit.
This set has a group of K-Beauty essentials together in one box and I went with it because I'd used TonyMoly sheet masks before and liked them. This comes with an oil cleanser, a toner, an emulsion moisturizer, and a more intense cream moisturizer. I use the emulsion when I'm at home and the moisture cream when I'm on layovers.

3. Benton Honest Cleansing Foam
This cleanser is my absolute favorite product from this whole experiment. It smells so perfectly soapy, cleanses beautifully, and feels great. I'm in love with this product.

4. Benton Snail Bee High Content Essence
I don't know if this is a magical silver bullet for wrinkles yet, but I've enjoyed using it and it's done good work. There's a whole Snail Bee line by Benton that I'm planning on moving to as my other products run out because I've been so impressed by this brand.

5. Neogen Bio-Peel Gauze in Wine
This is a really great, usable exfoliating peel, but if the smell of fake grape flavor makes you feel vaguely sick, this is not the product for you. Try one of the other "flavors" in this same line like lemon or green tea. I've been very satisfied with these exfoliating pads and I don't find the smell unpleasant though it is strong while you're using the product.

6. TonyMoly I'm Real Mask Set
What a deal this set is! My favorites in terms of results have been the Lemon, Wine, and Aloe. I've seen immediate (if not long lasting) results and I definitely plan on repurchasing this to give as gifts.

7. Eborian Eye Cream
This company is so interesting- they're a Korean/French brand and I've loved this eye cream. The other day I forgot to apply it at night and when I woke up the next morning it totally showed. When I do remember to use this (which is 99% of the time) my under eyes are moisturized and the lines are less noticeable.

8. Fresh Rose Face Mask
This mask is pricey but one of the best things I have ever put on my face. When I use it consistently at night, my face looks refreshed and better than ever the next morning. It moisturizes and somehow magically also deals with any spots I have hanging around.

9. Dr. Jart+ Waterfuse BB Cream
I'm in love with this BB Cream. It's pale enough for me, moisturizing, has a good SPF, and my skin instantly looks 100% better when I have it on. It's the closest thing I've found to a miracle product.



I hope you feel empowered to give some of these products a role in your daily skin care line up!


How to Survive Flight Attendant Training


Two years ago right now, I had just received the exciting news that I had been chosen to start Flight Attendant Training with the world's largest airline. 

I was excited, nervous, and I had almost no idea what to expect.

The airline I work for has a training facility where you live, eat, and study for the six and a half weeks that you're in training. You don't get paid, but they do feed you and house you for the duration of your training. It reminded me of college or summer camp- we lived together and worked together and learned so much. 

Training can be very stressful. 
You're living in close quarters with strangers, you have to score above 90% on every test in order to be able to stay in the program, and some parts of training can be a little scary
I'm really scared of heights, and I had to throw myself down a a really tall evacuation slide. 
I hate putting my head under water, but I had to jump into a pool wearing a lifejacket, swim across it, and climb into a life raft. 
I had to put out fires (literally) and demonstrate physical defense techniques. 

And on top of all of that, you still have a life back home that's going on without you. There are bills that need to be paid, loved ones facing challenges, and just general homesickness. 
While I was in training I was going through the beginning of a divorce and my grandmother had a massive heart attack. Your real life doesn't stop just because you need to learn the difference between a Boeing 757 and a 787, but don't worry, this is worth it and you can handle it.

You know what though? Looking back I had so much fun. 
I made lifelong friends, I ate some really good breakfast burritos, and I fell in love with an exciting new career. 

So for those of you preparing to start the journey of a lifetime, here are a few tips so that you will be one of the lucky ones who survives flight attendant training. 

How To: Survive Flight Attendant Training

1. Memorize your airport codes BEFORE you leave for training.
I used an app called Quizlet, which has a lot of airport code flashcard sets made by other trainee flight attendants. Double check to make sure that the codes you're memorizing match up with the list provided by your airline. Start as early as possible- literally the DAY you get your training materials.

2. Use whatever tactics YOU need to study.
Some of my classmates studied in groups. Some of them used ironing boards to diagram airplane equipment locations. Some of them took large pieces of paper and put mock ups of airplane doors on the walls of their bedrooms so that they could practice door opening and closing. 
My roommate and I studied best by quizzing each other in our room, with just the two of us. Don't feel pressured into studying in a way that doesn't make sense for you. If you need a group, make that group. If you need to study quietly alone, do it. 

3. Take copious notes.
When your instructors give you information, write it all down by hand. Studies have shown that your brain memorizes information better if you record it manually rather than electronically. 
This applies particularly during lesson or section recaps. If they're reiterating it, it's probably on the test. Pay attention to acronyms and specific phrasing. They matter.

4. Practice your commands out loud.
Evacuation commands are some of the most important things you'll learn while in training. You hope you'll never need to use them in real life, but when that moment comes you'd better know them deeply in your soul.
Yell them out. Do the physical movements that go with them. Ingrain them into your muscle memory.  You'll need to do these every year at your annual recurrent training anyway, so get them down precisely NOW. 

5. Use moderation when putting things into your body.
Whether it's food or alcohol, don't overdo it. When your snazzy new uniforms come in, you're going to want them to fit, and memorizing the location of the portable oxygen is going to be a lot harder with a merciless hangover. 
Don't get me wrong, I still have a love affair happening with the training center's chorizo breakfast burritos and I enjoyed a mug or two of vinho verde with my roomie, but just be smart about your choices. 

6. Go to sleep, but not in class.
There will be times when the lectures you're in get a little bit....tedious. One particular powerpoint on how to operate a coffee maker comes to mind for me. Be a responsible grown up and get enough sleep so that you don't drift off during class time.

7. Look sharp.
Dress professionally and follow every single attire guideline you are given, both in and out of uniform. Don't forget that you haven't actually been hired yet. To some extent, training is one long extended job interview.

8. Make friends.
There are some jobs where it doesn't matter if you're friends with your co-workers. 
Being a Flight Attendant is not one of those jobs. 
Your life could literally depend on the people around you one day soon. If nothing else, you're going to need at least a few of them to rely on as your new support network when you get sent to your base. You'll be in a new city navigating a new and intricate job. The stakes are high. You need friends you can text things to like "Where's the crew room at DFW?" or "Where can I find the max duty day chart in the tablet?" 
You also need friends you can hang out with while you're on Reserve and waiting for the phone to ring.
Being a Flight Attendant is so much more than just a job- it's a way of life. 
You're going to use jargon that makes no sense to ground dwellers. 
You're going to have amazing experiences that your friends back home simply can't understand. Hopping on a last minute flight to Paris for the weekend? Don't expect your high school BFF to get it. 
You're about to start a completely new lifestyle and you're going to need a crew who will have your back.


Congratulations on making it this far and good luck on this next leg of your journey!