What's In A Married Name?

The question of post marriage name changes can be a touchy one.

The social, professional, and political implications and ramifications of WHATEVER name choice you make are complicated and are only exacerbated by the many emotions tied to family names.

I'm not changing my name when Joel and I get married in June, and here's how that happened.

Objectively, I loathe the gender inequality that's been so entrenched in post-marriage name change in American culture (and others) where we all expect that in an opposite sex marriage the woman will take the man's name.
To me it feels too much like the old Coverture Laws that stripped women of their legal status as people.
When a woman married, she no longer had any individual rights- she couldn't own property, sign contracts, or retain wages from work she did, among other things.
When I think about how relatively recently those laws were changed, it makes my skin crawl.
While I genuinely adore the family I'm marrying into (and actually really like the way "Caroline Rice" sounds) I couldn't reconcile the idea of letting part of my identity be subsumed by my husband's- no matter how much I love him and the family his name represents. They have a great family name...it's just not my name.

**I want to be super clear at this point that I absolutely NEVER judge women who DO take their husband/partner's name after marriage- my mom did and as a result I have a last name that I love. Tons of women I respect and adore and admire have taken their husband's last name as their own for any number of reasons and I love it for them.
I'll be the first one to get you a gift monogrammed with your new initials.
You do you, girlfriend!
It just wasn't the right choice for me in this situation.**
#GoodForHerNotForMe

The next logical step was to consider a hyphenated name.
Bright-Rice sounds (to me) like some kind of genetically modified type of grain designed to be a high yield crop. I also don't love how bulky a double barreled last name can be, and how a hyphen can complicate forms and documents. I also considered adding another last name and becoming Caroline Bright Rice or Caroline Rice Bright. Those still felt uncomfortable.

So the solution that I settled on that felt the most fair was to create a hybrid name that Joel and I could both switch to: Brice, or (MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE) Right.
I COULD LITERALLY BE MRS. RIGHT.
The problem with this is that it didn't feel "right" to Joel.
The idea of making up a new last name felt absolutely bizarre to him.
We debated both taking an older family name from his family or from mine. We considered looking through genealogies to see if we might have a name that overlapped in our families somewhere. We literally spent MONTHS discussing options.

But wait, didn't we just consider both keeping our names the way they are?
Well, of course we did.
HOWEVER.

It's no secret that Joel and I want to build a family together after we're married (no matter how we assemble it) and I feel strongly that while our kids are minors, I wanted them to have the same last name that I do.
Countless situations in my life (school registrations, international travel, medical appointments) were simplified because I had the same last name as both of my parents, especially my mom, even after my parents divorced.
In official situations it's easier to get recognized as a family if you all have the same last name- that's how our culture is set up.
I also like the symbolism of being the XYZ Family. For us, marriage is about creating a new family unit, and it was really important to me that a last name reflect that unit status.
Like, REALLY important to me.

Now, in the middle of all of this, I started researching post-marriage name change laws for men in the United States.
In theory, men should have the same post marriage name change process as women if they want to switch things up after they get hitched.
Again, there's a big HOWEVER here.

I discovered that in a lot of states, men are treated unfairly under the law if they want to change their last name upon marriage. They often have to go through a prohibitively expensive court process to make that happen.
That's straight up gender discrimination, y'all.

California's Name Equality Act of 2007  made things fair in California,  but very few states have an equivalent, which blew my mind because solving this is SUCH a simple thing. You just add a spot for "Name after marriage" to a marriage license application, and then the marriage certificate is printed with the full (new) names of both of the spouses on it.
It could be Taylor Smith and Jamie Doe. Taylor Smith-Doe and Jamie Doe. Taylor Smith-Doe and Jamie Smith-Doe. Taylor Smoe and Jamie Smoe.

When I found out that Pennsylvania has no equivalent to California's law, I raced upstairs and told (yelled to) Joel "YOU MAY NOT END UP CHANGING YOUR NAME BUT I AM GOING TO FIX THIS AND MAKE IT FAIR".






So long story short, I did some things and now there's a bill being introduced in the Pennsylvania Legislature to make post marriage name changes fair (and hopefully simple and inexpensive) for everyone regardless of their gender.



The bill won't become a law in time to solve this challenge for us, but it will make things easier for other couples down the road.

So what did we decide to do?
Well, Joel made a choice and I'm getting used to it.

Let me share part of the FAQs page from our wedding website with you:

Yes folks, it's true: Joel will be taking my last name after we get married. 

The most interesting part of this decision for me hasn't been the confused/skeptical reactions (and there have been some- mostly not in front of us, thank goodness) but rather how COMPLETELY WEIRD I actually feel about Joel becoming Joel Rice-Bright legally and Joel Bright socially.

I've been totally shocked by my own discomfort about it- and I'm DEEPLY uncomfortable with what that says about my own internalized misogyny/ the patriarchy.

The more time I spend with the idea of "Caroline and Joel Bright", the more I love it and respect Joel's unexpected decision. I love what it says about his beliefs, his priorities, and what he wants for our future- not to mention how attractive it is that he's that secure in his masculinity.
When a man makes a choice that's committed to moving equality forward in defiance of gender norms?
Oh yes PLEASE.



So that's where we are and what our plan is.
This is what works for us and is in ABSOLUTELY NO WAY any kind of judgement on the choices you might have made or will make someday.
People should be free to make whatever choices they want to- do what works for you!

Matrimony Monday: Deciding to Get Married

First of all, let me be clear that I am decidedly not a marriage expert.
I'm not a sociologist, a counselor, a psychologist, a self help book author, or anything else.
I'm just a twentysomething who's been married, divorced, and is now engaged again- who spends a LOT of time immersed in the wedding industry and thinking about the nature of marriage. All of this is based on my own experiences and obsessive Hermione Granger style research.

When I was 22, I thought that I had found someone who would make a good teammate for life. 

Six years later, I can safely say that I still don't think I was wrong- I think he would have, if he'd wanted to be my (or anyone's) life teammate. 

But he didn't. 

More devastatingly, he didn't realize that (or tell me) until after we'd been married for a year. 

And so, we got divorced. 

I didn't want to get divorced- I wanted to stay married... but I eventually figured out that you can't force someone to be on your team. 

I know that seems pretty obvious, but everyone makes mistakes at 24. I'm just lucky that my mistake was something dumb but principled. I made the best decision I could with the information I had available to me at the time. As Maya Angelou said, "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."
There are far worse mistakes I could have made.

Contrary to what our rom-com worshiping society tells us, marriage isn't for everyone. 
It's not that there isn't a lid for every pot, because it's not that hard to find a lid that will fit.
The trick is finding a lid that won't explode off of your pot when the water starts boiling.
I firmly believe that some pots are genuinely better off without lids.
Not every person is better off married or partnered.

For some people, life is better off if they're married as long as it's to the right person.
(This seems to be the overarching idea about marriage today.)
For other people, life is complete only when they're married, period.
(Look at most of the first half of the 20th Century in Western Culture for this concept.
Romantic marriage was necessary and for everyone!
This is still the pervasive idea in a lot of cultures and communities.)

For me personally, the point of dating has always been about finding someone who would be on my team permanently.
I've never been one for "casual" dating or hookup culture.
For me, if something is worth doing, it's worth doing seriously.



I relate to this scene a little too intensely.


Of course, when I actually WAS looking to date casually (I seriously just wanted to try new restaurants and talk to interesting people, which I did.) I found myself another husband.
Oops.

So how did we decide to get married?
It just rapidly became stunningly obvious that we needed to.

We're both pro-marriage people who want to build a family in the same ways.
We share the same values, principles, and almost all of the same priorities.
(He's more into spending money on cars than I am. *eyeroll* Can't win 'em all.)
He gets all of my references: Monty Python, most musical theatre jokes, weird stuff in Latin...

Most of all, I finally understood that line from Wuthering Heights-
"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."




It wasn't so much a decision to get married as it was an obvious necessity given who we are as people.
Honestly it felt like a "well, DUH" moment when I realized that this weird-like-me Philly guy was the one I didn't know I'd been waiting for.
(Ugh, I know, gross again, sorry.)
Unlike many other choices in my life, I didn't draw up a list of pros and cons, I didn't give a weighted point value to practical items that weigh in favor of my long term goals, and I didn't even consider how things would look in pictures first.
(Ok, well, I might have for a second, but you would too if you had the potential for cop/flight attendant engagement photos.)

So here's my point: if you have to weigh the pros and cons about marrying someone, you need to be honest with yourself about why you want to get married.

Is it simply because it's the next "logical" step?
Is it because they check boxes on a list?
Is it because you want the fun and spectacle of a wedding?
Is it because you're at a point in your life where you feel like you "should" be hitting certain goals and you haven't yet?
Is it in spite of fundamental differences that make your life consistently challenging that you're trying to ignore?

If you thought about any of these and then added the phrase "yeah, but..." then I think the situation bears discussion with someone who knows you really well and/or is a professional at helping people work through hard life things. 
If you're a traveler with a weird schedule like me, allow me to recommend BetterHelp or TalkSpace.


There's definitely no "right" timeline for deciding to marry someone.
Some people know after two weeks.
Some people know they're ready after two years of (metaphorically) kicking the tires and working through stuff.
Some people know they DON'T EVER want to get married, and that's ok too!
(As long as they're honest with their potential partners about it.)

That's pretty much what I've got so far.
Check back with me in another few years to see if anything has changed...because goodness knows my thoughts on this topic were VERY different when I was in my early twenties vs. now in my well seasoned late twenties when I am finally so wise.

Matrimony Monday: Wait, I'm Engaged?

The last nine months have been quite the whirlwind. 

At the end of October/ beginning of November, the long term relationship I'd been in ended suddenly and not through my choice- I was blindsided and thoroughly devastated. 

Thanks to some amazingly kind friends in New Jersey and supportive friends and family across the country, I got through the worst of it. I didn't make any big Facebook announcements or put out a press release, because I figured the people who needed to know, knew.

Spoiler alert: Martin and I are now friends. We hang out (sometimes with my fiancé), and share snaps and videos of the dogs, depending on which one of us they're with. He sends me local sour beer tip offs when he's at a brewery and I let him know when I feel like throwing axes at a wall, since that's his side gig.
I get that it seems weird to a lot of people, but a friend summed it up nicely this way: "You're an awesome person and Martin's an awesome person. It makes sense."

But anyway... in the last five years I've gotten pretty good at reassembling my life after it implodes, and by the middle of December I felt ready to gingerly dip my toes back in the dating pool as the last phase of moving on.

After a few dates/interactions (some incredibly boring, some surprisingly interesting, none life changing or truly awful) one morning I swiped right on a cop with an Ivy League degree in Linguistics, whose political leanings lined up with mine, and who advertised himself as having "one dog and two cats, one of whom has zero respect for personal space".

By that evening, we were spending three hours in a car together to get pizza, by the end of that week it was clear this was the start of something big, and by the end of the 2017 my life had done a complete 180. Again. 

Look, within an hour of matching he was sharing interesting facts about the history of the Marsh Arabs with me and we were discussing Calvinism twenty minutes into our first date- how could I do anything but fall in love with him? 

"Well sure, Caroline," I can hear you thinking, "It's fine to fall head over heels, but why on EARTH did you have to agree to MARRY a guy you barely know?"

As frustrating and obnoxious as this answer is, when you know, you just know. 

To be blunt, I've been divorced once. I know what that special type of hell is like, and I'm not excited about the idea of repeating it, but I am SO sure about this man that I'm willing to be open to that possibility.
Yeah, it's scary.

When it became clear that this was going to be a SERIOUS thing so quickly, I turned to my friend Shannon over at Generation grannY  for advice because I knew she'd been through this whirlwind thing with her own husband. Pageant friends are the BEST, you guys, especially when they're brilliant. She's so great. Read her blog.

I could sit here and list a hundred reasons Joel is a phenomenal human being (AND the person I'm excited to be stuck with) but that still wouldn't explain all the ways in which this is sickeningly perfect.
The twinkley schmoop is strong over here, I tell ya.
It's gross.

A few anecdotes:

When he comes home from work he brings me flowers and the groceries he noticed we were almost out of.
This morning he started singing "Give My Regards To Broadway" as he headed out the door to work. (Oh, did I mention he can sing, play a couple of instruments passably, AND JUGGLE?)
No one can leave our house without being given something. Wine, a stack of paper plates, some cheese from Vermont- going to Joel's house is like going to the doctor's office as a kid: you know you're leaving with a prize.

Those are just a few tiny examples, but anyone who's been married knows that the little things truly are the big things. 

(And we're on the same page about the big things too, so that's good.)

So now we're planning a wedding and a couple of wedding celebrations, I have a shiny pink ring, and we're working together to map out our shared future.
For me, part of getting engaged was about being honest with the people in our lives about what we were planning. Sure, we could have waited longer for other people to get used to the idea that we were dating before announcing wedding plans, but that would have been lying by omission.


So that's the deal.
Now I have a new fun fact for every ice breaker game.
"I got engaged to a guy I met on the internet after knowing him for four months."
We have a pretty hilarious website.
We now have a house full of three dogs and two cats.
(We're like the animal Brady Bunch over here.)
We're tying the knot on June 1, 2019 and celebrating in Philly before we head up to Vermont for another party June 22. Invitees get to choose whichever event works best for their schedules - more on THAT decision making process later.
He's a gem.

“Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh.” 📷: @jenrice261 😍😆: @ricej259

A post shared by Caroline Bright (@carolinebright) on Jul 17, 2018 at 6:32am PDT

The End of Miss America?

Yesterday, a big story broke that has rocked a community I'm very proud to be a part of. 

The CEO of the Miss America Organization was exposed as having endorsed and/or written offensive and derogatory statements about various Miss Americas. He was suspended and then resigned. 

 More than anything else in this situation, I am fiercely proud of the way current and former titleholders have closed ranks in solidarity with our sisters. 

As I tweeted last night, if you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us. 

Miss America will survive this as the family that we are.

Here's a link to the details. 

Which brings me to what spurred me to write this post.

This opinion piece in the New York Times. 

Here's the thing. I agree with Jennifer Weiner about a lot of things, generally. I don't disagree with much of what she writes in this piece. My problem with it is that while she might be a self identified "pageant fan",  she obviously does not know my people. 

This crisis is not the end of Miss America. 

I've written before about how much "That Whole Miss America Thing" has meant in my life, but I want to be as clear as possible right now. 

I would not be the person I am today without having been Miss Vermont. I will forever be grateful for and proud of that experience. For. ev. er. 

One thing that really infuriates me about Ms. Weiner's piece is that she has the audacity to tell other women how they're allowed to express their femininity. 

HELL NO. 

I enjoy wearing makeup. I enjoy wearing evening gowns. I LIKE expressing myself in traditionally feminine ways- even if it IS "femininity as spectacle". It's FUN. 

Incidentally, I happen to ADORE drag shows and respect the heck out of those queens too- a lot of pageant girls do. Who do you think is teaching us all of our makeup tricks? 

If you're a woman who DOESN'T enjoy this stuff (have you met my mom? Have you met MOST women from where I'm from?) than that's perfectly fine too! Pageantry isn't mandatory. 

I would NEVER assume that what's right for me is right for all women. 

The other big thing about the piece that really grinds my gears is the idea that this is somehow the "end" of Miss America. 

Maybe it would be if Miss America were "just" a pageant. 

Maybe it would be if an organization devoted to empowering women needed a man to run it. 

Maybe it would be if the grassroots of the organization relied on the people at the top. 

Luckily, none of that is the case. 

Miss America is not about a pageant. 

Miss America is not about one woman who wears a crown. 

Miss America isn't about swimsuits, or spray tans, or teased hair. 

Miss America is about genuine sisterhood. 

Miss America is about a close knit community of people who believe in women and because of that they give and give and give and give. 

Miss America is about empowering women to be themselves on stage and off. 

Look, I'm a liberal Democrat. I attended Liberal Arts colleges. I've taken Gender Studies classes and loved them. I'm an outspoken feminist. 

I get that there are many many complex and problematic elements when it comes to pageantry as a whole and the history of Miss America in particular. I truly understand that. 

At the end of the day, this program is about building women up in a society that is constantly trying to tear them down. 

It's about teaching young women that their voices matter, and teaching them how to speak up with courage and skill. It's about developing relationships with women who will be your "ride or die" friends forever. They'll take you in or rush to your side when they find out you've experienced tragedy. They'll dance with you at your wedding. They'll be your army when you need one at your back. 

I don't know what's coming next for this organization, but I do know that it will be driven by the passion of empowered women. 

The end of Miss America? Oh HELL no. 

Senior Mama Life: Flight Attendant Seniority

In the world of commercial aviation, seniority is everything. 

Simply put, seniority is how long you've been with the company. 

(Generally, as long as you remain an active employee, you accrue seniority.) 

Your seniority increases over time and as the company hires new Flight Attendants, or as people above you retire or leave for greener pastures. 

Your pay is determined by your seniority. Your schedule is determined by your seniority.

  Your cartel status is determined by your seniority.

Since your pay and your schedule pretty much dominate your life, seniority rules all.

At my company, seniority also often determines which position you'll be working on the aircraft. At our international briefings, we select positions in seniority order. 

While on reserve, our days off are (theoretically) assigned in seniority order, and if you want to bid for a specific trip that's open, it's assigned in seniority order. 

And when you get assigned a sweet trip  where all the other Flight Attendants are super senior and know each other, this is what it looks like. 

I've written about Reserve Life before, and I'm finally starting to accrue enough seniority that I can "hold" a few weekends off every month, which is good because I have about a million weddings to attend this summer and fall. 

The more senior you are, the less likely you are to have to sit Reserve, and the more likely you are to have a "line", or a set schedule for the coming month. 

(Some airlines have assigned reserve days each month instead of full reserve months or years.)

Our May schedules came out earlier this week, and a few people I know who are only a couple of years senior to me managed to snag lines. I was thrilled for them!

Someday I will know this feeling. Rotating Reserve, you can't get over to us fast enough.

At my company, to be considered really "senior" you have to have at LEAST 30 years of flying under your belt. 

That's where you can start to hold good trips, maybe get Christmas off (if you're lucky), and you become what we call a "Senior Mama". 

Yes. Thirty. Years. 

THIRTY.

They will never retire. Never give up, never surrender. It's a LIFESTYLE, people.

Senior Mamas (and Senior Papas) can be really intimidating to new hire Flight Attendants because they often come with a reputation for being... testy.

In my experience, Senior Mamas aren't scary as long as you treat them with respect. 

They've been doing this longer than I've been alive, so when I was a new hire I'd always make sure to ask them to tell me if they saw me doing something wrong. 

Having a little humility goes a long way. 

It's also important to remember that if they've been doing this job for so long, they really do know a thing or two about how to do it.
True, as in any job there are people who are having a bad day, or who just don't want to be at work, or who are just in a bad mood. Not everyone is going to be nice all the time. That's life.

If you're not even off probation yet, don't act like you know everything about Flight Attending. 

You know the manual and the newest procedures, which is so important, but the Senior Mamas are the ones who are going to have you covered when the emergency bells start dinging. 

If you're a passenger, don't be that jerk who assumes Flight Attendants should be 22 years old, blonde, and a size zero. 

Amazing Crew Members come in all shapes, sizes, and ages.

Some of the coolest coworkers I've flown with have been old enough to be my parent or grandparent, but they're the ones I'm going out to pubs with in Dublin and Brussels. 

So lucky to be working with a delightful crew. They all have senses of humor and a serious appreciation for how lucky we are to have the coolest job in the world. #falife #cabincrew #cwbfly

A post shared by Caroline Bright (@carolinebright) on Jul 24, 2016 at 12:06pm PDT

They're the ones making sure we don't miss out on cool layover experiences, like renting a car and driving out to the Hoover Dam. 

Flight Attendants are some of the greatest people you will ever meet. They're spontaneous, unexpectedly knowledgeable, hilarious, and bold. Long Las Vegas layover? Forget the Strip: we did the Hoover Dam and I hit up China Town. #bestjobintheworld #awesomecrew #ihavethecoolestcoworkers

A post shared by Caroline Bright (@carolinebright) on Apr 4, 2017 at 6:41pm PDT

Senior Mamas know how to work, and they know how to have a good time. 
On a lot of trips, they're the ones leading the charge to the Tiki Bar when I'm just trying to keep my eyes open.

Someday I'll have enough seniority to be cool....and hold Paris. 

Beauty on a Budget

Until I was about 19, makeup was a slightly terrifying and impenetrable mystery. 

Outside of my stage experience for musical theatre and Miss Vermont's Outstanding Teen, I didn't really wear makeup and I was pretty intimidated by it. 

My mom isn't much of a makeup person, so most of what I've learned has been from professional makeup artists, YouTube tutorials, and backstage at pageants. 

These days, I have a makeup routine that has been honed by experience and trial and error.

I'm a high points roller at both Sephora and Ulta, but as a Reserve Flight Attendant I don't always have the cash to buy all of the products I'd like to.  #reservelifeprobs

Plus, sometimes you get stuck somewhere and you have to make it work with whatever you can scrounge up at your local drug store.

Here are short and sweet makeup reviews for my current Top Three Budget Beauty Favorites:

1. Sonia Kashuk Tinted Brow Gel for Target

As someone with SUPER blonde (i.e. invisible) eyebrows, I compulsively color them in every single day, even if I'm not putting any other makeup on. Using a tinted brow gel has made a world of difference for me. I picked this up at Target because I was out of my usual brow gel, and I have to say I've been very pleased. The spool is a little bit too large, but after using it once I got the hang of it. I've found the taupe color works really well for my coloring- it doesn't look to brown, and it's not too light. I'm not sure that it's actually a universal color, but it does work well for my blondie purposes.

2. Revlon Colorstay Eye Liner 

I've been using this eyeliner for years and years. I've tried gels, liquids, and other pencils, but this one is what I come back to again and again. It's inexpensive, doesn't budge once you put it on, and has a built in sharpener. 

3. Ulta Twisted Volume Mascara

I bought this the other day on a complete whim. I needed a new mascara because my others were well past when they should have been thrown out, and this one was $11. 

I'm so glad I tried it! 

I've been delighted by the volume that it gives my lashes, the minimal clumping, and the staying power. Plus, the wand has a clicky turny thing in the top that lets you adjust how much twist there is in the brush. It's kind of fun to play with and there is definitely a difference in the volume between setting 1 and setting 4. The difference isn't insanely dramatic, but it exists. 

So those are my current fave beauty budget buys!
Let me know if you've tried them, or how they work out if you give them a whirl.

Red Lipstick Resistance

It's no secret that I'm a pretty political person. 

But the truth is that I kind of hate politics.

I don't like playing games. 

I want to find straightforward solutions to problems so that we can help people. 

But I've learned over the past 16 years of my involvement in politics that problem solving isn't always as simple as we'd like it to be. 

Real and lasting change is complicated and it takes time. 

Real change is never simple, and it's never easy. 

You also probably know that I'm an outspoken feminist. I mean, it's literally in all of my social media profiles. 

I don't pretend to be an expert on every issue, but the question of gender equality and fairness is the cause that has set my heart on fire for my entire life.

I wrote my first letter to the editor of our local paper when I was ten years old, complaining about sexism and gender stereotypes in a column. 

My mom didn't coach me to do it. 

(Frankly, she's still a little baffled as to how she managed to produce me.)

She just gave me the tools to express the outrage that I felt, which involved a handwritten letter faxed in to our local newspaper.

For me, feminism and femininity go together like wine and ice cream.

I love them both and they make my life better when I embrace them responsibly.

The "classic Flight Attendant" look is hyper feminine, and of course involves those signature red lips. 

I've been into bold lipstick for as long as I've been seriously into makeup. 

I won Miss Vermont in a bright red dress with bright red lips. 

Bold lipstick has been my signature move for my entire adult life. 

Today is the International Women's Strike/ A Day Without A Woman.

I already have the day off from my paid job, but I'm also going to be spending the day striking from as much unpaid work as possible. For example, I'm going to let my boyfriend lean in and take care of the dishes and cleaning the kitchen, but I'm still going to take care of the puppy while he's at work. She's a living baby creature who needs care. I can't strike from THAT. 

As a union member, I proud of the connections that today has to the labor movement. 

For information about how you can help with causes centering around organized labor today, visit this website. 

My favorite thing I'll be doing today is wearing red lipstick.

A lot of people struggle with the idea that this symbol of femininity has feminist origins, but it sure DOES. 

It's also been a way that strong women express their bold power throughout modern history. 

This piece from Public Radio International is a great little intro on red lipstick as a feminist statement. 

A quick synopsis:

Suffragettes defiantly wore red lipstick when they marched in the streets for the right to vote.

Rosie the Riveter wore red lipstick when she built our way to allied victory during WWII.

Hitler hated women wearing lipstick. 

So fight back against misogyny, sexism, and Hitler, everybody. 

Wear red in whatever form makes your heart glad, and stand in solidarity for equality. 

Resist. 

Dry February: So Over It

I hated Dry February.

I hated it for the same reason I would hate cutting ANYTHING completely out of my diet: it sucks.

I didn't have an iron clad reason to stop drinking- I wasn't concerned that I might be facing addiction, I hadn't developed any new allergies or health complications... I mostly just wanted to see if I could do it.

I did not last the full month.

On February 17th I went to a brewery with my boyfriend and some friends, and I really wanted to try his weird beer (it tasted like kielbasa, but in a good way), so I did. 

Then I asked my friends if failing at Dry February would make for a better blog post, and when they agreed that it would, I sampled a flight (which amounted to about a drink and a half).

Wearing flannel while sipping beer at a microbrewery. WHAT AM I?

It tastes like sausage....... and that's a good thing??

I didn't have a beer because I felt like I needed to, I had a drink because I wanted to. 

I like drinking different drinks, not because of the affects of alcohol, but because the flavors are interesting and because I might be a closeted hipster. 

(I do wear a lot of flannel and very tight pants.)

After that, I was pretty much back on the wagon until almost-disaster struck.

I abstained for another week or so before I had a very exciting day at work that left me REALLY WANTING a glass of wine.

I can't go into the details, but for all you cabin crew people reading this, just know that my training kicked right in and no one had ANYTHING on their laps for that landing. 

A Flight Attendant's worst day of work if often pretty traumatizing. We were very lucky and everything ended up being totally fine. 

So when I finally got home, I had some wine and declared my Dry February experiment over. 

Here's my conclusion:

I don't want to completely eliminate anything that I enjoy from my life. 

Whether it's alcohol, ice cream, or anything else delicious, it's best in moderation. 

It's a good idea to pay attention to your consumption of ANYTHING and to be aware of what you're putting into your body. 

Depriving yourself of things you enjoy just isn't worth it, but do be honest with yourself about what you actually enjoy.

Are you drinking champagne because you genuinely like it, or are you drinking it to fit in when you'd rather have ginger ale in your glass?  Don't just do it for the insta.

Friend, go have the bartender fill your glass with whatever floats your boat.

(As long as you're of legal age and someone else is driving.)

I like champagne. I like vegetables. I like licorice. I have a passionate love affair with French Fries.

Some of that is cool. Some of that isn't. 

But I'm going to keep on enjoying the things that I like because I like them. 

You. Do. You.