The End of Miss America?

Yesterday, a big story broke that has rocked a community I'm very proud to be a part of. 

The CEO of the Miss America Organization was exposed as having endorsed and/or written offensive and derogatory statements about various Miss Americas. He was suspended and then resigned. 

 More than anything else in this situation, I am fiercely proud of the way current and former titleholders have closed ranks in solidarity with our sisters. 

As I tweeted last night, if you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us. 

Miss America will survive this as the family that we are.

Here's a link to the details. 

Which brings me to what spurred me to write this post.

This opinion piece in the New York Times. 

Here's the thing. I agree with Jennifer Weiner about a lot of things, generally. I don't disagree with much of what she writes in this piece. My problem with it is that while she might be a self identified "pageant fan",  she obviously does not know my people. 

This crisis is not the end of Miss America. 

I've written before about how much "That Whole Miss America Thing" has meant in my life, but I want to be as clear as possible right now. 

I would not be the person I am today without having been Miss Vermont. I will forever be grateful for and proud of that experience. For. ev. er. 

One thing that really infuriates me about Ms. Weiner's piece is that she has the audacity to tell other women how they're allowed to express their femininity. 

HELL NO. 

I enjoy wearing makeup. I enjoy wearing evening gowns. I LIKE expressing myself in traditionally feminine ways- even if it IS "femininity as spectacle". It's FUN. 

Incidentally, I happen to ADORE drag shows and respect the heck out of those queens too- a lot of pageant girls do. Who do you think is teaching us all of our makeup tricks? 

If you're a woman who DOESN'T enjoy this stuff (have you met my mom? Have you met MOST women from where I'm from?) than that's perfectly fine too! Pageantry isn't mandatory. 

I would NEVER assume that what's right for me is right for all women. 

The other big thing about the piece that really grinds my gears is the idea that this is somehow the "end" of Miss America. 

Maybe it would be if Miss America were "just" a pageant. 

Maybe it would be if an organization devoted to empowering women needed a man to run it. 

Maybe it would be if the grassroots of the organization relied on the people at the top. 

Luckily, none of that is the case. 

Miss America is not about a pageant. 

Miss America is not about one woman who wears a crown. 

Miss America isn't about swimsuits, or spray tans, or teased hair. 

Miss America is about genuine sisterhood. 

Miss America is about a close knit community of people who believe in women and because of that they give and give and give and give. 

Miss America is about empowering women to be themselves on stage and off. 

Look, I'm a liberal Democrat. I attended Liberal Arts colleges. I've taken Gender Studies classes and loved them. I'm an outspoken feminist. 

I get that there are many many complex and problematic elements when it comes to pageantry as a whole and the history of Miss America in particular. I truly understand that. 

At the end of the day, this program is about building women up in a society that is constantly trying to tear them down. 

It's about teaching young women that their voices matter, and teaching them how to speak up with courage and skill. It's about developing relationships with women who will be your "ride or die" friends forever. They'll take you in or rush to your side when they find out you've experienced tragedy. They'll dance with you at your wedding. They'll be your army when you need one at your back. 

I don't know what's coming next for this organization, but I do know that it will be driven by the passion of empowered women. 

The end of Miss America? Oh HELL no. 

The Holidays Are Hard

It seems like every year advertisers and our social media newsfeeds inundate us all with images of perfect family holidays, exciting engagements, and fun vacations.  

Reality is very different for most of us. 

With my job, I rarely get to spend holidays with the people I love. I spend them sitting alone in hotel rooms, eating takeout (if I'm lucky) and FaceTiming with the folks back home, which often makes me even MORE homesick. 

Over the past few years I've spent Thanksgivings and Christmases waiting for the phone to ring, alone in strange cities, and wracked with heartache. 

No matter your job, holidays can be fraught with hard emotions. 

Death.

Divorce.

Financial crisis. 

A devastating health diagnosis. 

Family discord.

At this time of year it somehow feels like there's more pressure than ever to be living a perfect life, free of heartbreak, conflict, or hard times.

We're "supposed" to be full of holiday cheer and joy but often it can be incredibly difficult to feel the tingle of magic through the sadness of our real-life burdens. 

So for those of you struggling this holiday season, honestly, I'm right there with ya. 

Here are a few of my tips for coping:

1. Remember that a lot of people are having a harder season of life than you are. 

Yes, this is tough, but take a few moments to consider how it could be worse. 

I try to remember that even though I can't be with my family this time, at least I have all of them still and I can see them next week. 

2. Consider how people celebrated holidays historically.

You have indoor plumbing to use on Thanksgiving? Not too shabby. 

You aren't battling bears on your homestead in the wilderness? Good. 

3. Do routine things you would do on any other day.

Get your cup of coffee. Read your book. 

Remember tiny things that you like to do on a normal day, and do those things. 

4. Lower your expectations. 

WHY do we think that a holiday should be a day full of flawless and majestic happiness? 

They're just days, and we're just humans. 

5. Find tiny ways to celebrate for yourself. 

Last Christmas I was alone in Las Vegas for 30 hours. I made my own tiny celebration by doing things I love- eating delicious food and going to a Christmas Eve service at the local Unitarian Universalist church. I was friendly, so I made new friends. I like to sing, so I sang carols. 

It was a little lonely, but I also kind of loved it. 

#MeToo: For The Gentlemen

This post is for the men out there who want to be part of the solution, instead of being part of the problem. 

Every single woman I know has been sexually harassed and/or assaulted.

Every woman I know grips her keys or her phone a little tighter when walking somewhere at night. 

No matter what we wear, what we do, or how we exist in the world, being female automatically makes us targets for harassment and violence. 

The first time I remember being the target of unwanted advances from a male person was when I was nine years old.

(I actually hadn't thought about this incident for YEARS until yesterday when #MeToo started popping up all over social media.)

I was on a camping trip with my mom, grandma, and brother at Acadia National Park in Maine. 

I went to use one of the toilets, and I was harassed by a teenaged boy going in and coming out. 

It's been 18 years since then, so I can't remember exactly what he said to me, but I remember being really creeped out and scared to the point that I wouldn't go back to the spigot near the bathroom to get water for our campsite.  

I felt so....icky. 

The worst part about this story is that it's just not that bad when it comes to the spectrum of abuse that girls and women face every day. 

Some of the women whom I am closest to have experienced far, far, far worse. 

Their stories aren't mine to share, but they are mine to believe. 

Gentlemen, here's where you come in.

Look, we know not all men are rapists, but it is an absolute fact that most rapists are men. 

I am KEENLY aware that men can absolutely be survivors of sexual assault and many have experienced sexual harassment, but this post is directed at men who want to understand how to support the women around them and help end Rape Culture. Harassment and assault are never acceptable, no matter who the target is or who the perpetrators are. Ending the culture of rape will help ALL of us. 

If you're a truly good man, like so many I know, you want to help but you don't know what to do to help combat Rape Culture, so here are my tips for the good guys out there:

1. Believe her.

When a woman in your life shares an experience about harassment or assault with you, believe what she is telling you. 

Believe me when I tell you every. single. woman. has been harassed or assaulted. 

2. Educate yourself.

If, in your head, you quietly think something like "Yeah, but she is really hot, and that guy was just trying to compliment her. She probably secretly liked it." or "I bet she was wearing something that gave him the impression she was interested.", YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

Bro, check yourself.

Take the time to read articles like this one: Men, It's Our Moral Responsibility to Combat Rape Culture

Then spend a few minutes really thinking about it and the implications it has for your life. 

3. Speak up. 

This is probably going to be the hardest step, guys. 

When you're around dudes who make a rape joke, you have a moral imperative to speak up. 

When you see a man harassing a woman on the street ("catcalling"), you have a moral imperative to do something. 

Remaining silent means you agree with what's happening. 

Look, I know it's scary to put yourself out there and say something. Some guys might look at you funny. Some men might make you the butt of a joke. Some dude might even yell at you or threaten you physically. 

But wait.

Those things are what women experience literally just walking down the street every single day. 

Put on your grown up pants and be as brave as ALL of the women in your life are every day. 

So read up and most importantly, speak up. 

You'll make the world a better place for everyone. 

But You're Supposed To...

When it comes to wedding planning, one of the things that I am most frustrated by is that so many people have opinions about what you're "supposed" to do. 

You're supposed to wear a white dress, it's traditional.

You're supposed to serve alcohol, otherwise no one will have fun.

You're supposed to invite your parent's neighbor's niece, because she invited your parents to HER wedding. 

You're supposed to have dancing. 

You're supposed to have a cake.

You're supposed to have the kind of ceremony that everyone expects you to.

And on and on and on. 

If you've ever planned a wedding, you know how easy it can be to become overwhelmed by the expectations that other people have for your wedding. 

Too often it seems like weddings become about everyone EXCEPT the bride and groom. 

It becomes more about the party right now and less about the joining of two lives for always. 

Today I want to let you know that it's ok to make your wedding as weird, as wacky, or as basic as you want to. 

If there's something you hate, don't do it. 

If there's a "tradition" that doesn't feel right, tweak it or get rid of it. 

If you want to break every rule in the book, go for it. 

This is YOUR wedding.

No matter WHAT choices you make in life, you're always going to have people who are going to be critical of them.
You can't please everyone, and some people are just impossible to please, so go ahead and stick to your guns!

That said, you need to be aware that your choices have consequences. 

When you're making your unusual choices, keep in mind the manifesto of the Awesome Etiquette podcast from The Emily Post Institute: focus on the principles of consideration, respect, and honesty.

Great-Aunt Mildred might be hurt if you abruptly refuse to wear the family wedding veil, so break it to her kindly and explain your choice to her respectfully.
Your dad will probably be disappointed if you tell him you'd rather walk down the aisle alone, so be honest with him and considerate when you talk to him about it.
You're going to have to be ok with hurting a few feelings, but make sure you're polite about it.


If you need validation or a professional opinion, you can hit me up via A Professional Bridesmaid.

9/11 As A Flight Attendant

On September 11, 2001 I was an eleven year old homeschooler who was excited that we were getting satellite TV at my house in rural Vermont. 

Cable TV didn't reach that far (it still doesn't), and I was excited to be able to watch the History Channel, MTV, and Disney Channel Original Movies. 

The first thing we watched with our new TV was airplanes crashing into the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center. 

Like most Americans, I remember that day with absolute clarity, but as a kid, you can't appreciate the magnitude of a moment like that in history. 

I knew something horrible had happened. I knew the adults around me were shocked and horrified. 

But I just didn't have the perspective to understand the ramifications of what was unfolding that day. Did anyone, really?

For the next 14 years, 9/11 was a horrifying moment in history that changed the world and devastated the lives of innocent people, but it felt far away from my life in rural Northern Vermont. 

Then I became a Flight Attendant. 

I remember so clearly seeing the memorial to the American Airlines Flight Crews at our training center in Dallas while I was there learning how to do this job. 

It hit me that if these people hadn't been murdered, they would have been my co-workers. 

Between that memorial and the security procedures we learned and constantly practiced, 9/11 didn't seem like a far away historical event anymore. 

It became something that had happened to my airline. 

To my colleagues. 

It became something that I had a personal responsibility to prevent from ever happening again. 

As a passenger, you just have no idea the steps Flight Attendants take every minute of every flight to keep you safe, whether it's from turbulence, dehydration, or a terrorist attack. 

On 9/11/2001 the Flight Attendants were the first of the First Responders who tried to save lives that day. 

They tried to stop the hijackers. 

They called the ground to warn people. 

They knew what was happening and they. fought. back. 

Every single day, Flight Attendants save lives in the air and on the ground. 

It's what we're trained for. 

It's our job. 

Too often, passengers are completely disrespectful towards us when we enforce the rules and follow the procedures that are in place to keep you all safe. 

Once, I even got yelled at by a passengers for following anti-hijacking procedures. 

He thought his drink was more important than the safety of everyone on our aircraft. 

Seriously. 

Flight Attendants and Pilots think about September 11th every single day. 

When Come From Away came out, I was delighted as a fan of musical theatre, but I was more delighted as a Flight Attendant. It felt like people were paying attention to the day that changed everything. 

So many people lost loved ones on that day and in the weeks, months, and years after as a result. 

So many acts of heroism were performed by everyday people. 

The man in the red bandana.

Rick Rescoria.

The First Responders on the ground. 

But it was the flight crews and the passengers who were the first to respond and the first to perish. 

Every day I step on an airplane, I am prepared to sacrifice my own safety to protect my passengers and to protect people on the ground. 

We know the risks, and we do this job anyway. 

I am extremely proud to be a Flight Attendant. 

So the next time you fly, bring a thank you note for your flight crew to show your appreciation for the hard work they do to keep you safe. 

Even better, just do what we ask you to, in the air and on the ground. 

But most of all, remember the courage and heroism of Flight Attendants like Betty Ong and read the stories of who they were and how they lived.

Beautycounter: Why I'm In

I am a fairly skeptical person. 

When I was going through sorority recruitment years ago, I was just WAITING for someone to try to haze me because I had heard all the rumors and I was ready to be a whistle blower. 

The hazing never actually happened and I ended up with a group of sisters for life.
Chi O till I die-o. 

I tend to approach situations optimistically, but with my eyes wide open. 

Not everything that glitters is gold, or even a good AB rhinestone. 

So when my pal/hero Kristin Ingram (Miss Virginia 2005) started promoting this company called Beautycounter I was mildly interested (because she IS SO COOL YOU GUYS) but mostly skeptical. 

I assumed that it was like most other sell-from-home makeup/skincare companies: possibly a pyramid scheme, with products that are just OK but definitely not as good as what I could find elsewhere. 

Well. I was wrong. 

I suspended my skepticism long enough to actually have an open mind and learn about the company.

I was impressed by what I heard. 

I heard about a company committed to getting safer, effective, high quality products on the market AND committed to advocating for change in the cosmetics industry.
Beautycounter cosmetics, skin care, and other products are free of 1,500 toxic chemicals that can have an adverse impact on your health. 

Product safety is a women's rights issue. 

Women use the vast majority of personal care products: toiletries, skin care, and cosmetics. 

In the European Union, there are over 1,300 chemicals that have been banned from use in the formulas of personal care products. 

The United States has partially banned only 30 of those harmful and potentially toxic chemicals. 

It is so icky to think about, but everything you put on your skin seeps into your body.

For a while I just chose to ignore this fact. 

Everything causes cancer these days, right? 

But I've reached a point in my life where having kids sometime in the next decade is a tangible concept, and I'd like to do what I can to keep myself healthy for that whole... thing.

You know, possible pregnancy and motherhood. 

(Ick, but like, also babies are cute.)

There's really no rush. Seriously. But still. Eventually.

I've tried a few "clean" or "honest" products here and there, but I'd mostly given up on it because they just weren't quality skincare products. 

They didn't work, or worse, I had an allergic reaction to them. 

So even after I was impressed by everything I learned about Beautycounter as a company, I held off buying anything until I actually tried the products. 

Kristi mailed me some samples and as soon as I put them on my face I knew I was a goner. 

You guys, these products are outstanding.

Seriously, my biggest hangup about using products sold by independent consultants in the past has been the quality and the effectiveness. 

I've tried products in the past that have been just ok, but I could easily get something better at a nearby beauty supply store or in Europe on a layover.

This is different.

The one that really sold me on the whole line is the Cleansing Balm. 

I've used a few fantastic cleansing balms or oil cleansers in the past, but they were either too expensive (think $135 for a single tub) or I just wasn't sure exactly what was in them and that skeeved me out a little bit. 

This balm blew all of them out of the water. (heh)
Figuring (correctly) that it would be a perfect addition to my ten step skin care routine
I tested it by using it to wash my face AFTER I'd already used my normal cleanser, and it removed makeup traces I didn't even know existed. 

My washcloth was covered in grime that I normally would have just LEFT ON MY FACE. 
I was instantly impressed by Beautycounter skin care. Boom. 

So I was all "KRISTI SIGN ME UP FOR EVERYTHING" and then my bank account was like "CALM DOWN AND DO THIS THE SMART WAY".

And so, as of today I can hook you up with outstanding products (that are free of 1,500 harmful chemicals) as a Beautycounter Consultant. 

For those of you keeping score in the back, yes, I now have three jobs AND I help my mom with her businesses AND I do a little bit of volunteer work on the side. Oh, and I cross stitch. And take in special needs dogs. And somehow have a boyfriend who still wants to hang out with me.

Even my side hustles have side hustles. 

#MillennialLife amirite??

But I'm SO impressed by these products and by the mission of this company that I'm willing to make room in my life for this ONE MORE THING. 

So come at me, y'all.

If you've already heard about Beautycounter, maybe through their partnerships with Target, J Crew, or goop, and you've been wondering where to buy Beautycounter products, look no further!

I'm ready to help you get your hands on some outstanding products.
If you're unsure until you try a sample, hit me up and I'll hook you up.
And speaking of hook ups, if you want some free/discounted products there are ways to make that happen too.

Click here to visit the Beautycounter website and get your hand on the products ASAP!

Here we go!

Summer Flying: Tips for Infrequent Flyers

It is the best of times, it is the worst of times: Summer. Flying. 

During the summer months, people tend to go on vacation more. In response to this trend, airlines have more available flights and they often sell tickets at cheaper rates. 

Additionally, more of my coworkers go on vacations as well, leaving their trips to Junior Reserves like me so I end up working my hiney off (while wearing a wool uniform) during the hottest months of the year. The good news is that I get to make more money. The bad news is that I AM VERY TIRED. 

Seriously, Summer Flying has me waking up at 2am for flights some days, 6pm other days, and criss crossing time zones like it's my job. 

But wait. It's literally my job. 

"More people, more problems" is never truer than during June, July, and August, when the temperatures rise and so do the number of people on our aircraft who have no idea how to handle riding on a plane. Couple that with the inevitable summer storms that wreak havoc on base operations for many major airlines, and you've got yourself a perfect storm. (heh)

Summer flyers tend to be less experienced with air travel- maybe you only fly a couple of times a year for that big vacation, and THIS IS IT. 

There's absolutely nothing wrong with that! Thank you for buying a plane ticket and helping to keep me employed! I'm really glad you're here. 

HOWEVER. 

There are a few basic things that you can do to maintain your sanity AND help your flight crews love you as you go on your summertime adventures, and luckily for you I'm sharing those tips with you today. 

Five Tips for Infrequent Travelers:

1. Plan for things to go wrong. 

Your flight will get delayed and cause you to miss your connection. There will be no outlets on the plane.  The lines will be long at security, getting food, or for the bathroom. 

One of the worst parts of air travel is that NOTHING is within your control - except how well you prepare for the inevitable. 

Get to the airport at least two hours before your flight.
Carry snacks with you.
Pack whatever items you might need for a surprise overnight in your personal item. Try to avoid checking a bag.
Bring an external battery like this one: iJoy Portable Charger Ultra-Slim 10000mAh Power 10K Power Bank (Green).

I understand how frustrating it is to get trapped or stranded in an airport due to circumstances beyond your control- it has happened to me many many times.
I get how enraging it is to miss out on things at your destination that you were supposed to be participating in.
But please, keep your cool and be polite to the airline employees. 99% of the time what has happened to you is out of their control too. We WANT you to get to your destination. Please be polite and calm, and remember that everyone you're dealing with is just a human being.




2. DO NOT ask your Flight Attendant "What do you have?"

There is a menu in the setback pocket in front of you.
Or just order what you would always order on the ground.
Or order what you really should anyway: water, no ice.
(Or wine. I'm for it.)
Say please when you make your request.
Say thank you when it's handed to you.
It's that simple.





3. DO NOT ask your Flight Attendant for a blanket!

Airplanes are air-conditioned on the ground and it is COLD when we get up to 30,000 feet in the air.
Don't wear a tank top and shorts and then ask me for something to help you stay warm.
No matter the season, dress in layers to fly. I never ever ever fly in shorts or a short skirt because I know I will freeze and practically get hypothermia. Don't dress for the five minute walk from the car to security, dress for the airplane you're going to spend six hours on. Pro tip: keep a handy cotton scarf like this one with you whenever you travel:

4. Download the app for the airline you're flying.

Seriously you guys, the airline I work for has the most useful app.
You can track your bags, monitor gate changes and flight delays, and even pull up maps of various airport terminals so you can figure out how to get from gate A22 to gate F19. It's even free to use with our in flight wifi.
This way you can avoid asking your flight attendants questions like "Am I going to make my connection?" to which our answer (or at least the truthful answer) is ALWAYS "I don't know."
We aren't psychic. We aren't omnipotent. 
Use the app to check you inbound arrival time and the departure time of your connection. Technology is good.

5. Please don't use the bathroom while the seat belt sign is on.

Guys, following lighted and posted signs on an aircraft is literally the law. Additionally, if the seatbelt sign is on it's probably because we've just taken off, we're expecting turbulence, or we're about to land. In all of those circumstances it is REALLY DANGEROUS for you to be out of your seat. 
Go to the bathroom in the terminal before the flight. Use the lavatory when the sign is off, even if it's not a pressing issue.
Don't get out of your seat when the plane is taxiing on the ground. If we're about to take off, you could cost us our place in line for takeoff. If we've just landed you could get seriously injured if we hit a bump or stop suddenly. Just the other day we had almost reached the gate and the pilots had to suddenly hit the brakes hard. All the passengers who had undone their seatbelts smacked their heads on the seat in front of them and felt very foolish.
And on that note, if you see flight attendants sitting in their jumpseats you should most definitely be sitting in your seat.

Let's all fly smart this summer! 

How to Give the Best Wedding Speech

All wedding speeches/toasts fall into one of these categories:

1. Hot mess.

The speech giver decided to wing it, downed a few shots, and/or it's unbearably raunchy.

Please let this end.

2. Boring.

Cliche. Blah. Cringe. Is he still talking?

3. Thank goodness that's over.

"Well, at least she tried."

4. Delightful.

Short, sweet, heartfelt, effective.

5. Brilliant.

"VIRAL YOUTUBE STATUS ALERT"

Public speaking freaks people out, so it's understandable that sometimes people fall into one (or more) of the first three categories. 

You want your toast to be a four or a five, so let's make it happen.

Look, the reality is that not all of us can or should deliver a speech in the form of a rap, or a Disney song medley, so here's a basic formula for a speech that will take you from a 1 to at least a 4. 

(For the purposes of this example, let's assume you're making a speech on behalf of a bride.)

A Formula for a Solid Wedding Speech:

Introduce yourself and your role at the wedding.

+

Explain how you met the bride as briefly as possible.

+

Share a quick anecdote that showcases an excellent part of the bride's personality.

+

Share how the bride's new spouse brings that excellent thing out in her.

+ 

Share a story of the two of them together that exemplifies why they're a great fit as a couple.

+ 

If appropriate, add a quote or traditional proverb.

+

Finish strong with something simple like "To the happy couple!" 

Obviously if you're an experienced pro, add in some jokes (as long as they're rated G) and references to things the couple loves. Personalize it. 

Most importantly: write a speech that is focused on the couple you're celebrating. 

This is their day to shine together.

Have questions? Feel like you need some coaching on speech content or delivery? 

Hit me up, y'all. 

I'm a Professional Bridesmaid. 

caroline@aprofessionalbridesmaid.com

Ten Tips for New Hire Flight Attendants

Last week, my base welcomed our first round of New Hires in almost two years. 

Those of us at the bottom of the seniority ladder are SO EXCITED they're here. 

These new kids improve our chances of holding weekends off, getting trips we want, and they bump us up closer to the mythical "line holder" seniority level we've been dreaming of for two years. 

Ten Tips for New Hire Flight Attendants:

1. Get a distinctive ringtone for Crew Scheduling.

I went with the theme from "Archer" because it always feels like they're sending me on missions. The downside is that I now can't watch Archer without having a mini panic attack when the theme plays. Chose a ringtone or song that you don't mind ruining as an anxiety trigger for the rest of your life.

2. Be physically active.

The thing that surprised me the most when I started this job was just how physical it is. Walking miles dragging bags in high heels, lifting bags, hauling 300lb carts, getting down on the ground to fix things, and more. That activity plus the sheer physical task of traveling all. the. time. makes this job a very physically tasking one.
When you factor in the physical requirements of an emergency situation on top of the day to day haul, you need to be physically fit to do this job well.
Get some cardio in at the hotel gym, eat fruits and vegetables (that have not been fried), and get as much walking in as possible during your layovers.

3. Explore new things during your layovers and in your base.

You need to make sleep a priority, but when you're in a new city you should get out and EXPLORE! My go-to move is getting to the hotel, changing into a weather appropriate outfit, and using Yelp to find a place to get some good food within a mile or two of my hotel. I'll then map walking directions to that food place. Depending on the area, I'll check with the front desk of the hotel to see if the route is safe and walkable, and then I venture out! 

Tip: to look like a local instead of a tourist, pop some headphones in, but keep the volume low enough that you can still clearly hear everything going on around you. 

In your new base, ask co-workers where you should live/eat/play and don't be afraid to use modern technology to help! I picked up a nice young man on my second night in Philly thanks to a popular dating app, and now we've been dating for two years. There are multiple apps to help you make new friends in cities too!

One of my goals for 2017 is to eat Ramen in every city possible.

4. Try to save a little money for the slower months.

During the summer we fly more and therefore make more money. During the winter months there are fewer flights and less money. Plan accordingly.

5. Download your monthly schedules at the end of the month.

For tax purposes, you need to know every single layover you had all year. The simplest way is to just keep track every single month.

6. Always screenshot your pairing/sequence at the start of a trip.

Sometimes Crew Scheduling likes to pull some shady stuff. Make sure you have a record of what you were actually assigned so that you can pay claim/ sort things out.

7. Learn your computer system and your contract inside and out.

Crew Schedulers are human. They make mistakes just like we all do. They'll try to give you trips you're illegal for. They'll try to assign things out of order, simply because they don't know any better.
Be ready to question things respectfully by asking what page of your contract allows what's happening. If something seems incorrect, ask about it! Know how to use your computer system to bid

8. Create a packing system that works for you. 

You will lose your mind and all your stuff if you don't have a place for everything so that you can make sure everything is in it's place before you check out of your hotel room.
I have some suggestions for how to make that happen as a Flight Attendant.

9. Rely on your co-workers and ASK QUESTIONS if you aren't sure about something.

We all remember our first working flight. We all remember what it was like to feel unsure. Ask other flight attendants for help or to explain things to you if you're confused. Whether that's on the aircraft, in the galley, in the crew room, in a briefing, or at home when scheduling assigns you something that doesn't feel right. Use your resources! Reach out to your coworkers on Facebook if you can't find one nearby in person- there are so many people who will help you get this right. Just please don't bring your notes from training on your first flight. You'll look like a dork.

10. You are not alone, this is an overwhelming life change.

Becoming a Flight Attendant isn't just starting a new job. It's starting a new job in a new city, away from your support system at home, in a high pressure environment, where people's lives are in your hands. To top it off, you're never sure where you'll be when and you're constantly in motion. 

Everything feels strange and new and exciting, but it can also produce a lot of anxiety and sadness.

This is a big deal. It can be really hard, but you aren't alone. Every single FA flying has been through what you're going through.
Don't be afraid to reach out to your friends or to senior flight attendants to ask for advice or help.
We want you to succeed and we want you to flourish- we're a family connected by wings. 

A Weekend in Ireland

Two years ago, when I first started my job as a Flight Attendant, the very first trip I was assigned to work was Dublin. 

When Scheduling called me, I was asleep. When I heard the word "Dublin" I asked "Like....Dublin, Ohio?" confused, because as far as I knew Dublin, Ohio doesn't have an airport and I also couldn't fathom getting sent to IRELAND for my first work trip. 

I had a great crew and had a lovely time. It was a phenomenal first trip, especially as I'd never  been to Ireland before. 

This weekend I returned to the country with my lovely partner in tow, and we had a wonderful time!

We left Philly on Thursday night, landed at Shannon airport on Friday morning, rented a car and drove straight to the Cliffs of Moher. 

After spending a few hours at the Cliffs, we continued on to Galway, where we stayed with a very generous friend of Martin's who also happens to be an Archaeologist there.

(SO COOL, right?!?!?)

Friday night and Saturday we were shown around Galway by an expert tour guide/ archaeologist, and on Sunday we got up bright and early to head back to Shannon for our flight home. 

It was definitely a whirlwind adventure, and I wouldn't recommend it for less experienced travelers, but Martin and I are old pros so it suited us just fine. 

A few observations and a list of things I learned on this visit:

1. Flying in and out of Shannon was SUPER simple. DO IT.

Shannon is a much smaller airport in a much smaller city than Dublin. If you're adventuring on your own rather than with a tour group, that can make your life a LOT easier. Customs lines are shorter when you arrive and when you leave.

2. Renting a car was straightforward, and driving on the "wrong" side of the road was fairly easy.

Let me be clear, Martin did all of the driving because the car had a manual transmission and I can't drive stick shift, no matter which side of the road we're supposed to be on. 

 The hardest part was how NARROW the roads were. 

It was worth it to be able to set our own schedule and not have to rely on busses to get everywhere we needed to go. It was also less expensive than buying bus tickets for two adults everywhere.

3. Americans were EVERYWHERE.

There are SO many cultural connections between the United States and Ireland that this shouldn't be surprising, but WOW. So. Many. Americans.

4. Everyone was SO NICE.

Seriously, from the car rental people to the bar tenders to the random strangers we befriended at pubs, everyone was so friendly and pleasant through the trip. 

5. Ireland is super obsessed with JFK.

There were tributes to President Kennedy everywhere we went. In the airport, in the Claddagh Museum, on street corners, in Galway Cathedral. EVERYWHERE. 

Now, I have a working knowledge of the relevant history here, but I was still surprised by the degree to which Ireland showed the love for "their" US President. As a New Englander and as a Democrat, it kind of felt like running into an old friend every time we'd stumble across a tribute to him.

6. Everyone has a cousin or five on the East Coast, and everyone loves Boston.

Usually when I travel, no one has any idea where Vermont is. In Ireland, most locals we met had a working knowledge of the geography of the East Coast AND they'd visited Boston. 

Everybody we met there just loves Bean Town. 

7. The food was AMAZING. 

Everything I ate was delicious. I had amazing fish chowder and then the best gin flavored ice cream. The end.

Contemplating the delicious Fish Chowder I had just eaten.

8. Ireland is the most castleated country in the world.

Ireland has more castles than anywhere else. Our resident archaeologist pal taught us that this is because land inheritance worked slightly differently in Ireland than in other countries with castles. *coughUKcough*

Ruined castles are so gorgeous.

9. Everything was SO FREAKING SCENIC.

It was beautiful. It was adorable. It was charming. It was majestic. 

We couldn't get over how lovely everything was.

10. Ireland is FUN. 

Altogether, we just had so much FUN in Ireland. Everything combined to make our trip a blast, and we just had the BEST weekend. 

Special shoutout to tour guide extraordinaire Jay Hall for his expertise and hosting! All of his roommates and friends made us feel so welcome. Thanks Jay!

When he's not participating in archaeological digs, Jay has been working in an antique book warehouse. We got to visit that too and I almost lost my mind. 

ARE YOU SEEING ALL THESE INTERESTING BOOKS?!?

BUT SERIOUSLY.

Sometimes your boyfriend GIFs you walking home from the pub in the rain. 

A Professional Bridesmaid

For the past decade or so, I've worked events. 

My mom has two inns/event venues in Northern Vermont, in college I worked as an event coordinator for a local gallery, and then there's the constant political/non-profit work... plus, all my friends keep getting married. 

I've been a bridesmaid in a Gatsby Theme wedding in Scotland. 

I've been a bridesmaid in my ex-husband's ex-girlfriend's wedding in Arkansas. 

(Yes, that story is as good as you think it is. The short version is that females are strong as hell.)

I've been a pre-ceremony announcer, an impromptu DJ, a flower girl wrangler, a day-of coordinator, a Bride's Enforcer, and I recently booked my first gig as a wedding officiant. 

Oh, and I even got married that one time too. 

Our dear friends Mark and Marleigh got married last week, and it seemed like a good time to slap a label on what I've been doing casually for a long time: being A Professional Bridesmaid. 

Essentially, I want to offer more broadly what I've been doing for my friends for years- help with wedding planning, resources, and coordination. 

I just think it's the weirdest thing that our wedding culture tells us that when a ring is put on your finger, it instantly imparts all the knowledge necessary to execute a "perfect" wedding day. 

Oh, and that perfect wedding day had better involve a trendy-but-also-timeless wedding color scheme, an open bar, and six creative uses of burlap. 

Photo Credit: Lauren Brimhall Photography

You know what makes a wedding perfect? 

Two people in love get married. 

But it's never that simple, is it? 

Society and family put so much pressure on what you "should" do, on what you're "supposed" to do, that it can often take the joy right out of marrying your person. 

Having help from someone with experience, knowledge, and a practical perspective will save you so much time, stress, and money. 

Photo Credit: Lauren Brimhall Photography

I am not a wedding planner. 

I don't want to design your event for you. I don't want to craft your center pieces. 

I want to empower you to make the best choices for your wedding, to the best choices for your role in someone else's wedding. 

Then on the day of your wedding, I want you to have all the tools to have a joy-filled and minimally stressful experience. 

Whether that means I'm there in person to answer last minute questions from your vendors and your great Aunt Susan, or that means I've made you a phenomenally detailed wedding day timeline, you deserve to be relaxed on the day you commit your life to another human being. 

The packages I've put together start at $15 for some quick answers, and they go all the way up to me putting on a chiffon dress and being in your wedding photos. Whatever you need, friend. 

If you're planning a wedding, if you're about to be a bridesmaid, or if you've got wedding questions, hit me up: caroline@aprofessionalbridesmaid.com 

Tell your friends. 

This is going to be a good time. 

How to Survive a Bachelorette Party

May is upon us.

The unofficial commencement of Wedding Season has arrived.

Here we go.

Bachelorette (or bashlerette, depending on how far into the festivities you are) parties can be a lot of fun. 

There is also a lot of potential for mayhem and hurt feelings. 

These days, most typical Bachelorette parties involve a few key elements: traveling, alcohol, and raunchy references. 

Maybe you're going to Nashville, like so many women do. Maybe you're going on a local pub crawl. Maybe you're going on a wine tour. Maybe you're throwing a house party. 

No matter where you're going or what you're doing, here are three steps to survive the experience with your friendships and dignity intact.

1. Plan ahead.

Do not wing this.

If you know there will be alcohol consumption, have an ironclad plan for safe transportation. A party bus? Ubers? A designated driver or two? Know exactly who the contact person will be for the party bus. Know exactly who will call the ubers and how many you'll need to call. Make sure everyone has the phone number of your DD and that the non drivers leave their keys wherever you're staying for the night.

If you'll be outside, bring sunscreen. Wear shoes that you can live with.
Personally, because I am someone who wears makeup and likes it, I make sure to put on long lasting everything, especially lipstick like this one in Menace.

Have an emergency kit handy.

Even better, if you're throwing the party, have survival kits ready for your pals.

2. Hydrate.

Whether or not you'll be drinking alcohol at this event, you have GOT to remember to drink water. If you are drinking, it's especially important to hydrate. Alcohol is a diuretic, and it can be so easy to get wrapped up in fun and silliness that you forget that you literally need water to live, not to mention feel like a human being the next morning.  Most bachelorette parties are marathon events- days or hours of non-stop partying. While all of that is going on, make sure you're knocking back a glass of water for every alcoholic beverage you consume, or if you're the sober one, a glass for every couple of hours you're out. 

3. Use Situational Awareness. 

Be aware of what is going on around you AT ALL TIMES.
PAY ATTENTION to the people who are part of your group- do we still have all eight of us together? Did Sarah and Amanda make it back from the bathroom? Is Kate looking a little worse for the wear over there? Everyone is responsible for everyone else. Team Bride, for real.
Also, pay attention to the way your group might be affecting those around you. Are you being inappropriately loud? Are there creepers trying to be skeezy and making lewd comments to the bride?  Be ready to shut down any gross behavior from your friends or from jerks who want to ruin a fun thing. 





Depending on where and when you're partying, you may encounter other bachelorette parties. Remember, this is not a competition. In fact, you're all there to celebrate the same wonderful thing! Someone you love has found the person she loves.
So if they seem cool and it's appropriate, combine forces! Congratulate their bride and wish them all good luck. You're all going through the same rite of passage together.